The thought of you strikes me every now and then, it makes me nauseous. The realization of us being over is just too much for my mind to take in. The entire time when I want to run away from you, somehow I end up thinking about you, more than usual. Every different pathway I choose to assume we’ll never come across each other ever again, but somehow every time end up looking upon the same person, that is, you! The only difference is the eyes, which used to look up at me with so much of love, now reflected nothing, nothing to give away!
Sometimes I feel that may be destiny, never wanted us to part… But after watching you give me that cold look which I never thought I would ever get from you, my heart aches. It fucking hurts, a lot. I don’t know the reason behind that stone face which you put up every time you see me now because I am not used to this. I am used to the look which softens my heart every time those eyes look at me. Those lips, which used to curve while watching me laugh. I still remember how I used to feel each time I looked into those eyes of yours which I still want to unlock the mysteries of. The depths of emotion you lock up all inside. Those kisses that blanked my mind and left me breathless and wanting every time. And the warmth of those arms which you used to wrap so securely around me. I do not remember being that safe with anyone ever before.
As I remember that night, I still could feel the tears swelling up in my eyes threatening to spill any moment when touched your wallpaper for the last time. Wanted no one else but you before opening these eyes towards a future without you. The mere thought wrecked my mind. I could hear my own heart breaking apart. It all seemed like the worst nightmare. That was the night when I saw my world which we dreamed together; shattered right in front of my eyes. Years later now, every time we cross paths you look at me as if am anonymous to you. It hurts me a lot, but also I can’t help but notice you, that face and the personality you have now. I realize you have changed. Not only turned out to be handsome, but the perfect man I always knew you would be. The man I had seen my future with. The only thing that hasn’t changed a bit is YOU, he person I have always loved.
Every time I would see a couple, a picture of you crosses my mind. But not with a cold look you give me now, but that adoration I used to see in your eyes every time I caught you staring at me. I only hope whenever my thought crosses your mind it just brings up a smile on your face because of all the amazing and happy memories we had shared with each other. Though however cold demeanor you carry in front of me, you always forget I have known you for so much more than that. Because I know deep down, you also cried that night when you said we are better apart. I know every word you said, it broke you more. And as I turned around not wanting you to see me cry, you hugged me for one last time because it hurt the both of us. You looked at me with so much love that my heart bled with the overwhelming pain I was feeling deep inside of me.
It was the last time I saw so many emotions in your eyes hurt, pain, adoration, love and hope. And after giving me the heart-fluttering smile, you walked away from my life. Just like that. And in that moment I knew you loved me too much to let me go. More than I imagined. Maybe more than I ever could.